A policeman's search for a missing girl brings him to a remote Puget Sound village, which he soon realizes is harboring a dark secret.
The Wicker Man (2006)
Written and Directed by Neil LaBute
Starring Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn, Kate Beahan,
Frances Conroy, Molly Parker, Leelee Sobieski,
Diane Delano, Erika-Shaye Gair
Remake of 1973's The Wicker Man
The Wicker Man will forever be the movie that for some reason caused Academy Award winning actor Nicolas Cage to forever lose his s**t when it comes to a dramatic performance. Things haven't been the same since and we have this abysmal garbage heap to thank for taking Nicolas Cage away from us and replacing him with the monotone, insane half-grown clone that has been impersonating him. In regards to the original film, this remake spits in the face of Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee's fantastically acted performances. It tries to build on a story that doesn't need any additions and causes everything to fall flat on its ass. But if you love bees, you will have something to look forward to.
Apart from Nic Cage, the supporting cast is forgettable to say the least. Cage is only memorable because of the random outbursts of insanity that define his character, like punching women while wearing a bear costume and screaming about dolls and bees. The plot is so nonsensical, even though it follows the original almost to the letter, even copying most of the dialogue. Chalk it up to poor directing and even poorer writing if you wish. All I can be certain of is that nothing about this film is either interesting or exciting.
I've wanted to see this universally panned remake for a long time now, simply so I could see for myself exactly how much of a disaster it is. Thankfully, I now know, which means I never have to watch it again. Even by the standards of modern Cage, this film is a horrible attempt to cash in on one of English horror's most unsettling masterpieces. Frankly, don't bother unless you go in with a comedic mindset. That'll make everything a lot more entertaining, but if you love horror, you can do much, much better.