A young woman learns she's the reincarnation of an alien
queen, and becomes a target for a maniacal royal family.
Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Written and Directed by Lilly Wachowski and Lana Wachowski
Starring Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne,
Sean Bean, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton,
Nikki Amuka-Bird, Maria Doyle Kennedy, Edward Hogg
Wow. To call this movie convoluted would be the understatement of the century. Jupiter Ascending proves yet again that the Wachowskis were a one hit wonder who should not be allowed to produce movies anymore. I mean, come on. This movie is a travesty from beginning to end. The story is so bogged down in world-building and unnecessary backstory that it's impossible to get emotionally invested in any of it. Add a cast of amazing actors with zero interest beyond a paycheck and the end result is bound to be a movie that's not only forgettable, but infuriatingly bad.
Mila Kunis is Jupiter Jones, a maid from Chicago who learns that she's the reincarnation of the recently deceased queen of the universe. When a man/dog guy named Caine (Channing Tatum) saves her from the alien henchmen of the royal family who's after her throne, her life gets complicated. That's about all I can tell you. The movie was so dull that I zoned out several times, and the amount of expository dialogue just about put me to sleep. I literally just finished watching the movie and I couldn't really tell you what it was about. I know that Eddie Redmayne should have his Oscar taken away from him for his abysmal performance as the film's villain. Apart from that, this movie's about as memorable and entertaining as a moldy loaf of bread.
Jupiter Ascending should absolutely be the last major movie that the Wachowskis should ever do. They've been coasting off The Matrix since 1999 and it's time to cut them off. This movie should've destroyed the careers of everybody involved, and it seems only Mila Kunis suffered a bit of a step backward. Basic story structure is not a difficult concept to grasp, yet it always seems to be absent from movies like this. They all think they're Star Wars or Dune or Game of Thrones in space. The truth is they're just blips in the genre that never make waves. They're nobody's favorite movie. They're not the ones people watch on movie marathon nights. They're just there, forever doomed to be the movie you move out of the way on the discount rack so you can buy another copy of The Matrix.